Yes, I was a cubicle dweller and lived it up (read: down) in the corporate lifestyle for several years. It is the land where the most exciting thing that happens all day is when the server goes down (again).
1. The decorations on someone’s cubicle offends you for no reason at all.
You walk by someone’s cubicle and see all sorts of decor they’ve bought for it. Plants, Garfield figurines and so on. It makes you mad because.. why? You don’t know. But it does.
2. When someone so much as moves your lunch in the “community” refrigerator in the break room, this enrages you.
What? Someone dared move your lunch bag to the lower shelf?! Heresy! You must find this person and destroy them quickly. Maybe it Bob in accounting. Or Marsha in Accounts Receivable. Yeah, it was her… the one who wears perfume that’s too strong and stinks up the whole office. Had to be her. I will move her lunch bag to the bottom shelf even though I can’t prove it was her that moved my lunch bag.
3. You think everyone in the marketing department lives in a place called Happy Fun Land.
In rare instances your cube might be near the marketing department. And every time you go past that place, the people there are laughing and smiling all day long and you can’t figure out why. Don’t worry, nobody else can either.
To note: The IT department always hates the Marketing people because they use Macs when the entire rest of the company uses Windows. Never is there an easy problem to fix whenever Marketing calls. Example: “Hey tech guy, Carla in Sales needs QuickTime on her PC. Well.. yeah I know.. but.. listen, I don’t care if it’s not ‘allowed’ software, my Mac uses QuickTime and she needs it to view my presentation on her Windows sojustgodoitokaythanksbye [click].”
4. You purposely take walking routes that (in)conveniently go around the cubicles of certain people.
The route you take to your cubicle after coming back from the break room looks like you’re playing a game of Radar Rat Race for the Commodore 64 in real life. People give you funny looks whenever you walk thru, but you don’t care because Marsha from Accounts Receivable ticks you off. AVOID AVOID AVOID.. must avoid..
5. The fact your superiors can “get away with anything” bothers you.
A standard conversation statement that happens in every corporation in the world: “How [manager’s name] get his/her job I’ll never know. S/he does nothing all day!” The answer is simple as to why they can. The guy or girl who got the job applied for the job, got it, and you didn’t.
6. You lock the file cabinet in your cubicle as if anything matters in there.
To you, pen theft is a class felony, punishable by a kick in the face to whomever does it.
7. When you are forced to park on the far end of the parking lot, this bothers you even though you are completely able to traverse the distance.
You have become so lazy that it bothers you to walk an extra 100 feet to get to the office even though you are completely capable of doing so.
8. When someone is walking slowly in front of you, this bothers you.
You’re making your standard trip to the laser printer to grab a document (probably your résumé you’re going to mail out later) and are forced to wait an extra 30 seconds because another employee is in front of you walking slowly. The only thought that crosses your mind is a wish to able to take down this person rugby style and toss them upside down in a trash can, because.. well.. they’re in your way. And you got other companies to apply to, damn it.
9. You have purposely studied every single way to get around corporate firewalls at home before going into work.
You know ’em all. Google Translator, proxies, tunnels, “cloaker” sites, etc. Heck, you might have even set up a private tunnel on your PC at home just so you can surf freely without the almighty “WebSense” blocking you at every turn. When you are finally able to bust thru you are overjoyed because you finally can get some entertainment at work.
Is it any wonder why there are so many iPhone users in the office?
Is it also any wonder why all cell phones are “banned” in the office?
10. You hate the I.T. department.
People who work in I.T. are very aware that most people hate them because they can seemingly (and sometimes literally) “do anything” on the corporate internet connection. Yes, they know this. And they also know that if you cop them an attitude you will be placed at the bottom of the stack in their to-do list when you call in with a problem. What’s that? You don’t know your asset tag? And you didn’t call the help desk first to assign a ticket number? Well.. guess you’ll just have to follow the rules then…
For the people that don’t work in I.T., you only call these guys when you absolutely have to, otherwise you want nothing to do with them. If your database app crashes 9 times a day you just deal with it. Better to deal with the app than the “computer guy”, right? It doesn’t matter if the “computer guy” is the nicest person in the world because then you’re going to be forced to go to another cubicle and work on a computer you “don’t know”, right?
I know what you’re thinking. “If the ‘computer guy’ had to do MY job, he’d see how important it is!” Well, he doesn’t. Hate not the computer guy. Hate the company that doesn’t pay you enough for all the work you put in… except for the times you’re busting the firewall to apply for other jobs.