A Few Funny Facebook Status Message Ideas

Adding a funny Facebook status message to your profile is a sure way to get a bit of attention and maybe a bit of a laugh out of your audience. If you’re not naturally funny but still want to entertain your friends, I have collated what I think are some of the funniest Facebook status messages around right now.

Use them as you see fit!

Some of the funniest Facebook status messages around right now2

Funny Facebook status messages

Some are funnier than others and these first few are quite topical!

  • ‘I bet a lot of doctors are going to be reluctant to respond to ‘Is there a doctor on the plane?’ now!’
  • ‘I love it when I Google something I should know the answer to and find out 308 people are just as dumb as I am.’
  • ‘The first computer can be traced back to Adam & Eve. It was an Apple but with very limited memory. Only 1 byte. Then everything crashed.’
  • ‘I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.’
  • ‘Men, we failed we just can never understand the woman’s logic, so give up trying, nod your head, and say thank you for still loving us anyway.’
  • ‘The best memories come from bad ideas.’
  • ‘Learn a lesson from your dog. No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that crap and move on.’
  • ‘Tonight… I’m drinking until I’m someone else’s problem!’
  • ‘Sometimes I wake up grumpy, and other times I just let her sleep’
  • ‘Hi I’m James, let’s bond.’
  • ‘It hurts when you go to unfriend someone and you find they’ve beat you to it!’
  • ‘If something’s not going right, try left.’
  • ‘Wife: I’m pregnant, what do you want it to be? Husband: A joke.’
  • ‘Everyone is normal until you add them as your Facebook friend.’
  • ‘Everyone is normal until you find them on Twitter.’
  • ‘Relationship Status: COMING SOON’
  • ‘When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?’

Some of the funniest Facebook status messages around right now3

  • ‘I’m an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.’
  • ‘I look at people sometimes and think ….. Really?? That’s the sperm that won.’
  • ‘I hate when people all of a sudden decide to be funny when I am drinking something.’
  • ‘Behind every great woman is a man looking at her ass!’
  • ‘If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.’
  • ‘Whenever i have a problem, I just sing, Then i realize my voice is worse than my problem.’
  • ‘I want to change my name on Facebook to ‘No One’ so when I try to add people, it will say, ‘No One wants to be your friend.’
  • ‘Dear life, When I said “can my day get any worse?” it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.’
  • ‘Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?’
  • ‘Closing all the internet windows by the time your boss gets to your desk is like getting the keys into the door before the killer gets you.’
  • ‘If you don’t do stupid things while you’re young, you’ll have nothing to smile about when you’re old.’
  • ‘We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police’
  • ‘A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.’
  • ‘I love Facebook. It’s the only place I can talk to a wall and not look like an idiot.’
  • ‘I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become’
  • ‘That awkward moment when you realize that “deleting History” is more important than “creating History” nowadays.’
  • ‘When I’m on my death bed, I want my final words to be “I left one million dollars in the…’
  • ‘She is so fake that she should have two Facebook accounts; one for each face !!!’
  • ‘The longer the title the less important the job.’
  • ‘Make love, not war. Hell, do both. Get married.’
  • ‘Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.’
  • ‘A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”’
  • ‘Dear Google, Please stop behaving like a GIRL. Will u please allow me to complete the whole sentence before you start guessing & suggesting.’

These are not my own work but those of others. I have just collected the funniest Facebook status messages and put them in one place for you to use as you wish.

Got any more you would like to share?

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