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How To Write a Great First Message in Tinder and Get a Response

Posted by Jamie on February 2, 2019

Want to know what to say when you get a match? Get stuck with figuring out opening lines or making the first move? Want to know how to write a great first message in Tinder?

Now dating apps are in the mainstream and everyone uses them, you no longer have to hide your guilty secret and go it alone. Now dating apps are mainstream and everyone uses them, there are never been a more competitive, cutthroat environment in which daters have to operate. You really do have to work hard to stand out and get that coveted right swipe.

In theory, dating apps widen the playing field massively. You can access many more people than in real life and interact with all of them. In reality, dating apps are full of rejection, of strange people, ghosting and long periods of disappointment with short sparks of bliss. But we still all use them. It’s like the lottery. You really do have to be in it to win it and you feel you might miss out if you don’t.

Tinder opening lines

Even though Tinder has gamified dating, the same rules apply here as they do in real life. You have to appear normal, approachable and dateable. Any icebreaker or opening line has to avoid being creepy or lame and you have to make your personality loud and clear without being too loud.

Here are some ‘rules’ you should bear in mind when you get a match.

Confidence is key

Just like meeting someone in real life, you have to seem confident even if you’re not. Balance confidence with self-deprecation and you won’t need to be on Tinder long. Just make sure that confidence doesn’t slip into arrogance.

Hey

No. Just no. Never, ever begin an opening line on Tinder with hey. They will have heard it a million times and it will never have worked. Just sending a ‘Hey’ shows a lack of effort, imagination and interest. All things that will not get you a date.

Humor for the win

Everyone reacts well to humor and if you can be funny and pull it off, you’re destined for glory on Tinder. If your opening line includes some humorous or witty opener with intelligence then you’re going to enjoy your time on Tinder.

Be yourself

Even though people in an app don’t seem real, they are. Tinder is only a gateway to other things and not an end unto itself. That means whatever you say, promise or imply on Tinder, you’re going to have to pull off in real life. Save yourself the effort and just be yourself.

Writing a great first message in Tinder

So with all that in mind, how do you write a great first message in Tinder? Here are some ideas.

Ask a question

Take time to look at all their pics and read their profile. Then come up with a question to ask them. If you can add humor or intelligence to the question all the better. This is the ideal opener as it shows you actually read their bio, took the time to absorb what they wrote and wanted to know more.

Provoke a reaction

Provoking a reaction takes some thinking about but is exceptionally effective if you can pull it off. Make them laugh, make them choke on their coffee, make them saw ‘awww’. The reaction you provoke is entirely up to you but if you can make them react, you become memorable. That is the key to success on Tinder.

Be weird

Not weird as in practicing taxidermy in your parents basement bit a little more leftfield. Take something from their bio or profile pics and make a leftfield comment. This is probably the hardest to pull off if you’re not naturally leftfield so may be best left to those who are. But if you want to stand out, being different is a very effective way to do it.

Prepare some canned responses

Controversial I know but I used these with great effect. Come up with one or two openers covering the above points and keep them somewhere on your phone or computer. Then, when you need one, refine it so it reflects your match and then use it. The advantage here is that you can write something interesting in the cold light of day without feeling pressured to come up with something cool. You also have the luxury of time to reflect, edit and polish as you see fit.

Trust your gut

Sometimes you should ignore all advice when it comes to writing a great first message in Tinder. Sometimes you should just go with your gut and write whatever comes to mind. This can often be the most natural, genuine thing the person has heard all day or all week and will get you that date. Just remember to self-filter first!

There is no ‘perfect’ way to write a great first message in Tinder. The closer you are to your true self the better and if you can do that while coming across as someone the other person would introduce to their friends, you’re on the road to success!

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