Some Great Instagram Bio Quotes

Looking for an amusing or cool Instagram bio quote? Want to use one on your own account or to use as inspiration? If you said yes, this post is for you. I have collected a variety of Instagram bio quotes that I consider smart, funny, cool, or even all three.

Instagram seemingly came out of nowhere. An image based social network launched only seven years ago now has millions of daily users including some of the biggest names in sports, Hollywood, TV and music.

Like any social space, the bio is your introduction, your elevator pitch of yourself that sums you up in a few words. If you’re anything like me, you may find it difficult to promote yourself or even talk about yourself. Writing a bio becomes impossible if that happens so why not use these Instagram bio quotes as inspiration and create your own?

Instagram bio quotes

I wish these Instagram bio quotes were my own work but they are not. I have collated what I think are some of the best around so you don’t have to go searching.

  • In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
  • Some people are alive only, because it’s illegal to kill them.
  • I shouldn’t be allowed to go on Snapchat, Facebook or Instagram when I’m drunk!
  • Light travels faster than sound… That’s why people appear bright until they speak.
  • Never try to teach a pig to sing- it wastes your time and annoys the pig.
  • Eat…sleep….regret……repeat.
  • A man of mystery and power, whose power is exceeded only by his mystery.
  • Insert pretentious stuff about myself here.
  • I’m here to avoid friends on Facebook.
  • I will win, not immediately but definitely.
  • How we live our life is far more important than how we say we live our life.
  • Chocolate doesn’t ask questions, chocolate understands.
  • Probably the best meat eater in the world.
  • My relationship status? Netflix, Oreos and sweatpants.
  • Silent people have the loudest minds.
  • Oh I’m sorry was my sass too much for you?
  • Just another paper cut survivor.
  • I only use Instagram to stalk…
  • I’m not glad it’s “Friday”, I’m glad it’s “Today”. Love your life – 7 days a week.
  • If I delete your number, you’re basically deleted from my life.
  • Why would I ever leave the house when there’s Netflix and ice cream waiting for me?
  • A Caffeine dependent life-form.
  • One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
  • I’ve always thought being popular on Instagram is as about as useless as being rich in monopoly.
  • Why look up at the stars when the biggest star is me.
  • A human. Being.
  • If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.
  • You will never have anything you don’t respect, including lots of money.
  • “F#%K It.” – my final thought before making most decisions.
  • Phones are better than girlfriends, at least we can switch them off.
  • Life is dumb and I want to sleep.
  • Whenever I have a problem, I just sing, then I realize my voice is worse than my problem.
  • Where the hell am I, and how did I get here?
  • Are you a banker because I’d like you to leave me a loan.
  • Recommended by 4 out of 5 people that recommend things.
  • It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.
  • Recovering ice cream addict.
  • If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
  • You’re a 10, on the pH scale… Cuz you’re basic.
  • I’m not smart. I just wear glasses.
  • I’m just having an allergic reaction to the universe.
  • I put the hot in psychotic.
  • Trying to elevate small talk to medium talk.
  • It’s very difficult to be great. Losers prove this point continuously.
  • Save water, drink beer.
  • 1f you c4n r34d 7h15, you r34lly n33d 2 g37 l41d.
  • Sometimes one middle finger isn’t enough to let someone know how you feel.
  • I will go into survival mode if tickled.
  • Sometimes I just want to give it all up and become a handsome billionaire.
  • When I’m on my death bed, I want my final words to be “I left one million dollars in the…
  • I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.
  • I only rap caucasionally.
  • Good Samaritan, washed-up athlete, especially gifted napper.
  • You’re right. I’m NOT perfect. But I’m unique!
  • A lie is just a great story ruined by truth.
  • Don’t get a woman, get a dog… They are loyal and they die sooner.
  • I talk like a baby and I never pay for drinks.
  • I’m so poor that I can’t pay attention in class.
  • I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle… He’s dreaming too.
  • Never judge someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. By that time, they’ll be a mile away and barefoot.
  • This is my last Instagram bio ever.
  • I prefer my puns intended.
  • I work for money, for loyalty hire a dog.
  • I’m in desperate need of a 6 month vacation… Twice a year.
  • I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
  • The strawberry shampoo doesn’t taste as good as it smells.
  • Not all men are fools, some stay single.
  • If I could sum up my life in one line I would die of embarrassment.
  • Don’t hit kids!!! No, seriously, they have guns now.
  • The only reason I am fat is because a tiny body couldn’t store all this personality.
  • Exercise, ex..er..cise, ex…ar..cise, eggs are sides, for BACON!
  • I was addicted to hokey pokey but I turned myself around.
  • I ran into my ex today… Put it in reverse and did it again!!!
  • A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
  • My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.
  • I’m not crazy, my reality is just different than yours
  • I always learn from mistakes of others who take my advice
  • Currently starring in my own reality show titled, A Modern Cinderella; One Girl’s Search for Love and Shoe.
  • Camping is intents.
  • Save paper, don’t do homework.
  • Nice guys finish lunch.
  • My hobbies are breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
  • Born to express not to impress.
  • I always learn from mistake of others who take my advice.
  • Born at a very young age.
  • I still miss my ex – but guess what? My aim is getting better.
  • Never argue with an idiot they’ll drag you down to their level and beat you through experience.
  • The road to success is always under construction.
  • I haven’t been myself ever since I was born.
  • The only person on Instagram who doesn’t claim to be a social media guru.
  • I can’t remember who I stole my bio from or why.
  • Living vicariously through myself.
  • I have this new theory that human adolescence doesn’t end until your early thirties.
  • Some people need to open their small minds instead of their big mouths.
  • I’m real and I hope some of my followers are too.
  • If you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit by me, and we can make fun of people together.
  • We are all part of the ultimate statistic – ten out of ten die.
  • If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front.
  • Someday, there’s going to be an updated version of me.
  • You can’t fix stupid, no matter how much duct tape you use over their mouth!
  • Time is precious, waste it wisely.
  • I’m starting to like Instagram, which is weird because I hate pictures.
  • We live in a society were pizza gets to your house before police.
  • Hey, you are reading my bio again?!
  • God bless this hot mess.
  • Everybody is so happy… I hate that.
  • The best of me is yet to come.
  • You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else.
  • I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I am joking.
  • A book-store is only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
  • Words cannot express my love & passion for Fridays!
  • Life is short… Smile while you still have teeth.
  • Be yourself, there’s no one better.
  • Every path has obstacles, but it is up to you to continue to smile and walk that path.
  • Weekend, please don’t leave me.
  • When I feel a little down, I put on my favorite high heels and dance.
  • I wasn’t lucky, I deserved it.
  • Don’t follow me because I don’t even know where I’m going
  • At last I graduated…….Now thermometer is not the only thing in the world having degrees without brains
  • Spreading smiles like they’re herpes
  • A Nomad in search for the perfect burger. Do not judge me before you know me, but just to inform you, you won’t like me
  • Contributing To Entropy Since 1992.
  • Everyone on this earth is self-centered, the difference is the radius.
  • Professional procrastinator
  • Analogue at birth, digital by design
  • God bless this hot mess

Of the thousands of Instagram bio quotes out there, these are the funniest or at least most amusing I can find. Got any others to suggest? You know what to do.

Posted by Jamie on September 21, 2017

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *