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Why Are My Tinder Matches Not Messaging?

Posted by Jamie on May 30, 2019

We are sent lots of questions here at TechJunkie and we like to answer as many as we can. We will never be able to answer all of them but this question in particular struck a chord. It read ‘Why are my Tinder matches not messaging? I’m matching and then nothing happens. What’s going on?’ Dear reader, you’re not alone. Thousands of people are in exactly the same position as you.

There are a bunch of reasons why you might find yourself in this position but much depends on what you did. The question reads ‘I’m matching and then nothing happens.’ Presumably, you see the alert that says ‘It’s a Match!’ but then what? Do you message your match or wait for them to message you?

Ignoring matches in Tinder

Believe it or not, there is a well-known phenomenon of ignoring a match in Tinder. Sounds dumb right? You’re on Tinder to get a date. You get a match which could lead to that date and then elect to keep playing instead of sending a message. If you’re not the one sending that first message, you really should be. If your messages cross in the ether, that’s fine but something is much, much better than nothing.

There are many reasons why people will match and then do nothing. This page over at Bustle discusses the phenomenon in detail and offers some very credible reasons why you or others will match and then not make a move.

It’s about time

Don’t forget that time is a precious commodity right now. We have less free time than ever before and many more demands on that time. The person you matched with might be on vacation, on a work trip, staying with parents, working to a deadline, be in the middle of an important project or case or any number of other things that can take up time.

The match may genuinely not have the time or mental energy to respond or even fire up Tinder while they are doing other stuff. This isn’t personal, this is life. This is a perfectly rational reason why they may not have messaged you.

Responding to your first move

The other possible option is that you reached out and they didn’t reply. You can use the reasons above for ignoring matches for ignoring messages but there could also be more to it than that. Perhaps your message was boring or unimaginative. Perhaps it didn’t hit that right note with them.

Here are some of the many reasons you didn’t get a reply to your message.

They made a mistake

It’s nothing personal, it just happens. Perhaps they were only half paying attention, were drunk or someone else swiped for them. Perhaps they have a specific type and swiped on you to see if they could step out of that type and realized they couldn’t.

They swipe right on everyone

This is an incredibly common problem, especially in men. Tinder is a numbers game so swiping right on everyone means they will match with someone and will potentially get some action. Once they are matched, they then apply their filters rather than at the swiping stage. Annoying but very common.

They are on a power trip

I knew someone who used Tinder and would swipe right on girls he had no intention of ever meeting or dating. When they got a match he would ignore them. He thought this gave him power and showed how much better he was than the girl. It didn’t look that way except in his head. Everyone else thought it was cruel. He won’t be the only one to do this.

They already matched

The person you matched with may have already just matched with someone else and be seeing how that goes before deactivating Tinder. This happens a lot too and is widely accepted. You need to keep your options open until you’re at a stage where you can commit or agree to be exclusive. This might be one of those times.

They forgot

It happens. They may have matched with more than just you and wanted to reach out to all of you. They may have written for a couple of matches, got distracted or ran out of time and forgot all about you. It’s nothing personal and more about life and distractions than you.

Their friend was matchmaking for them

This is another phenomenon I have seen firsthand. Friends, usually female, will offer to act as matchmaker and create a Tinder profile and ‘get you a date. They may have certain ideas about what their friend wants but their friend has other ideas. You could have matched with one but not with the other and were thus ignored.

There are many reasons why Tinder matches are not messaging. The vast majority of those reasons are not even about you. It’s about how people view Tinder and dating apps in general and the relatively low value we place on them. Bear in mind that it isn’t personal and it will happen and keep plugging away. There is someone out there for you somewhere!

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