How To Tell If Someone Unmatched You On Bumble
Ever since Tinder came out in 2012, with Bumble on its heels in 2014, the dating world has been more or less revolutionized. There are adults now in the dating world who have never been looking for romance in a world without Tinder; for singles in their 20s and 30s, dating apps have been around for most or all of their adult dating lives. Love them or hate them, these dating apps have changed the landscape forever. There are some downsides, but the positive is that it has never been easier to find a date or a mate. Casual fling or lifetime thing, apps like Bumble are a major part of the dating world, and if you are serious about finding love, you’re going to want a solid presence on these apps.
Many people, however, particularly women, have found that the dating culture on sites like Tinder can sometimes be toxic. There are a lot of men who appear simply not to have any idea how to treat other people online, and this factor (combined with our culture’s traditional dating approach in which men approach women and women say yes or no) has led to something of a backlash against Tinder’s dating culture. One positive response to this backlash was the creation of Bumble, two years after Tinder’s debut, by one of Tinder’s co-founders.
Bumble flipped traditional dating on its head with a simple rule: on Bumble, men and women match with one another just like they do on Tinder, but once a match is made, the woman has to send the first message. Men cannot initiate a conversation. (For same-sex matches, either match can start the conversation; the rule applies only to opposite sex matches.) Although it’s a very simple rule, it has had a remarkable impact on the way dating conversations unfold on the site. Women have to do more work and cannot just passively wait for a man to come up and start the conversation, and men have to accept not taking the lead.
No dating app is perfect, of course, and people are going to be people no matter what the rules are; there can be toxic jerks of either sex on Bumble or Tinder or any dating app. However, Bumble’s reversal of the traditional script has made a move in the right direction for many users.
We get a lot of questions at TechJunkie regarding Bumble and other dating apps. How can you tell if someone unmatched you on Bumble? How can you unmatch with someone you no longer want to date? Can you block people on the app? We are always happy to answer these questions, and in this article I will do just that.
How can you tell if someone unmatched you on Bumble?
It can be really frustrating and a source of hurt feelings: you’re having a conversation with someone, you think things are going great, and suddenly the other person ghosts on you. There may be a good reason for the ghosting; maybe what you thought was charming was actually creepy, or maybe the person you were talking with suddenly got back together with an old flame and decided to end all their other online romantic connections. It’s always more mature to tell a person that you’re just not interested, or that you don’t want to talk anymore, but sometimes people don’t feel safe in doing that. In any event, how can you figure out what happened?
On Bumble, there are basically two ways for someone to disappear. They can delete their own profile or Bumble account, or they can simply unmatch you.
If they deleted their account, then the conversation will still exist in the Bumble app and you’ll be able to read what was already said. The username of the person you were talking to will say “Deleted Profile”.
On the other hand, if they unmatched you, the conversation will disappear from the chat screen entirely. Their profile will also disappear from your Matches list.
There may be no reason for the unmatching, or it may just be that you can’t figure the reason out. This is the downside of online dating. While Bumble does what it can to calm the waters, people can still act strangely on the internet and some people do consider others to be disposable as there are always plenty of others out there to play with. Try not to take it personally, it happens to a lot of people.
And while Bumble denies it, there are reports from people who matched on Bumble and then took their conversations into other channels like texting or phone calls, that sometimes Bumble has glitched and caused their match to disappear from the site even though both people say they didn’t unmatch. It’s difficult to verify such claims, but if it helps to think that maybe your match didn’t unmatch you but instead their was a software problem, then who can say you’re wrong?
Bear in mind also that it’s possible that an unmatch doesn’t have anything to do with you. Again, try not to take it personally.
How can you unmatch with someone?
Maybe the shoe is on the other foot, and you want to unmatch with someone. The easiest way is to just ignore the match and let Bumble automatically void it; after 24 hours (or 48 hours if someone uses an Extend) and no conversation has been initiated, Bumble will automatically unmatch the two of you. If there has been a conversation, then those matches can also expire but it takes longer.
If you want to do the unmatching in Bumble you can. The easiest way to unmatch with someone is to ignore them. After a period of inactivity, Bumble will void the match and force you to move on anyway. Matches without having a conversation initiated will expire after 24 hours or 48 hours if they are extended. Matches with conversations won’t expire.
If you don’t feel like waiting, you can delete the match by hand. Just hold down the contact and select Delete Match. Confirm when asked and the match will disappear. Once deleted, the match is gone though, so be sure about your decision.
If you’re concerned about whether the other person will be notified that you unmatched them, relax. You might want to read this TechJunkie article on that subject to set your mind at ease.
Should I block, or unmatch?
If a conversation is not working out with someone, you have two options. One, you can simply unmatch that person. Alternatively, you can block and report them to Bumble. Which you should do depends on why you feel it necessary to break the connection. In general, if someone is behaving inappropriately for you or just doesn’t seem like the right fit, a simple unmatch is enough. But if you feel that there is a threat to you or to other people because your match’s behavior or statements are way outside acceptable bounds, then you should definitely block and report.
The reporting options for both dialogs are the same, with options for indicating that your match made you uncomfortable, was abusive or threatening, had inappropriate content, was spam or a scam, or used a stolen photograph. For the unmatch dialog, you can also indicate that you’re unmatching just because you weren’t interested. A report that you just weren’t interested won’t do anything in the Bumble system, other than unmatching you from that user, while saying that something more serious was going on (any of the other options) will raise a flag on that user in the Bumble database. Enough reports, and a problematic user will be shown the door.
The main reason to block someone isn’t to protect yourself, since it’s more or less impossible for an abusive user to keep rematching you and having conversations without you accepting the match and responding to their conversation. It’s to protect other members of the community from a predatory or problematic person. Don’t report bad behavior lightly, and definitely don’t report bad behavior which didn’t occur, but if you meet a genuine bad actor on the site, do everyone a favor and let the Bumble team know about the issue.
Unmatching will not stop someone from coming around to your deck again in the future, potentially, but blocking will.
What if I unmatch by accident?
It happens, and it’s agonizing! You’re looking at someone’s profile and you accidentally go through the menu options necessary to unmatch them. More likely, you leave Bumble open when you put your phone into a pocket or a purse, and your leg does the rest. Is there any recourse?
As it turns out, yes, there is – sort of. There is no direct method – you can’t shake your phone like you can to do a backtrack and make the unmatch reverse itself, nor can you contact Bumble and plead with them to restore your lost connection. However, if you are serious enough about the lost match that you want to take a fairly drastic step, you can probably match them again.
You will need to uninstall and reinstall the app on your phone. You don’t need to reset your account; uninstalling the app clears your history. You should narrow your criteria to be as close a match to your lost match as possible – put in the right age range, the exact distance, and as many filters as you can to match on that person’s identity in the system. Hopefully you will be able to find them in your prospective matches again within a few days. Swipe right again, and hope they do the same, and you’ll be back in touch.
It’s probably easier to just get a good phone number from your matches once you’re sure there’s a connection.
How can you avoid being unmatched?
Here’s the real secret: avoid being unmatched in the first place by having an interesting profile and carrying on a solid conversation with your matches. Avoid the dumb jokes and the temptation to be a smart-aleck and just make a connection, and you may find that your match game remains strong. Here are a few tips on attracting and keeping a match.
Verifying your Bumble account is simple and quick, and it makes it plain to other users that you aren’t a bot or a scammer. (Or at least, that you’re less likely to be a bot or a scammer.) In the profile screen, tap “Verify Your Profile” and then “Verify Now”. All you have to do is take a selfie of yourself copying a gesture that the Bumble app will tell you to copy and send it in, and you’ll quickly be marked as a verified user. (The selfie won’t go into your profile, so you can do this in your old underwear if you want to.)
Use Your Bio to Jumpstart the Conversation
Although male users can’t start the conversation via chat, there’s nothing stopping you from putting conversation starters directly in your bio. Create an icebreaker question and put it in your bio and give women an easier time of reaching out. For example, you could talk about your mountain-biking hobby and say that you’re definitely looking for someone who rides – then ask if they like mountain biking or road biking better. Instant conversation starter!
Mirror Their Style
Once the conversation actually does start, try to mirror the tone and style of your conversational partner. Don’t be a robot, but if they’re writing a paragraph of personal expression, don’t respond with “Yeah?” and if they’re telling killer knock-knock jokes, respond with some humor of your own. There’s no bigger turnoff than someone who just doesn’t get the tone of a conversation, but getting in sync with your conversational partner’s style is definitely a connection-builder.
Read Their Bio!
Read the other person’s bio thoroughly. Don’t just skim it. Read it. Absorb it. See what they are saying to you. Then reflect that messaging back in the conversation. If their bio talks about how they love water and swimming, then you should bring up how much fun you had on your trip to the beach. If they’re clearly just getting over a bad breakup, then don’t start talking about how eager you are to get into a major relationship. I’m not saying to be dishonest here, but be aware of where the other person is coming from and tailor your communications accordingly.
Don’t Get Impatient
Not everybody lives online, and not everybody feels compelled to respond to messages on apps like Bumble the instant they get them. One of the most annoying things users can do is to not get an answer to a message, and then start following it up with an increasingly irritating series of questions and queries. “How come you’re not writing back?” “Are you mad at me?” Ugh! Needy and annoying is not on anybody’s “Must-Have” list for a potential mate, and it’s a ticket to a fast unmatch. Make your statement or ask your question, and then WAIT. They’ll get back to you when they get back to you. Show some maturity by moving on with your life in the meantime and not haunting the app waiting for an answer to your Very Important Question about which Transformer movie they liked the best.
Do you have any Bumble hacks you would like to share? Any amusing stories about interactions on Bumble? Tell us about them below if you do!
We’ve got a lot more Bumble resources for you.
Here’s our guide on how to create a great Bumble profile.
If Bumble isn’t working out, here’s how to cancel your Bumble subscription.
We’ve got a tutorial for you on writing great Bumble messages.
You’ll definitely want to check out our walkthrough of how to reset your account.
Here’s a tutorial on how to extend your matches.
If you see something that says “deleted user”, here’s what “deleted user” means in Bumble.
We’ve got a guide on what to do if you’re getting no matches in Bumble.
Here’s how to know whether Bumble tells the other user you’ve swiped right.
For a fuller description of how to rematch, see our guide to rematching in Bumble.