On the whole, there are probably hundreds of reasons why people aren’t getting matches on eHarmony. It’s certainly not because the dating service is undersubscribed. Rather than writing a book on the many reasons why people aren’t finding matches on eHarmony, here are some of the most common reasons.
Your Message Is Too Funny
Yes, you read it here first. And you always thought that being funny was a good thing. After all, most people say they want a funny partner, but one of the most common reasons for people not responding is because the other message is too funny.
When a message is funny, it can go two ways. The first is that the recipient doesn’t find it funny at all, or thinks you see the site as a big joke. The second is that the recipient thinks you almost don’t expect an answer. It almost suggests that the recipient will be laughed at if he/she responds. It’s a bit like in high school when the best-looking person in class asks you out, and when you say yes, that person says, “I was only kidding, jeez, you loser”.
Your Message Is Too Negative
Determining how negative a written message is may be difficult. Sometimes it isn’t even about the words, sometimes it’s about how it’s said and who’s saying it.
A trick you may like to try is to say the words like “Tuvok” the Vulcan from the old TV show “Star Trek Voyager”. Or, at a push, you can try talking like “Spock,” but make it a bit more robotic.
Stripping all emotion and inflection from the statement can make it sound sterile and clinical. Under those circumstances, you can better judge how negatively or positively your message will be received.
Your Message Is Too Generic
You have the sympathy of every honest and genuine person who’s sent a heartfelt message to another person, only for them to ignore you or reply with something like, “I bet you say that to everybody”.
The fact is that the “Generic” argument is really stacked against you because many online daters send out the same “Brilliantly original” message to everybody they see with the hopes that person will respond.
The best you can do is to mention something in the other user’s profile such as, “I spend my nights watching Rick & Morty too, but ooohh jeez I’m tired of waiting for the next season”. Sadly, there are times when the other person’s profile is so generic that it’s tough to find anything to comment on.
Your Profile Is Too Generic
As you no doubt guessed from the last pointer, a generic profile is no good at all. At the very least, you need to add things that people can comment on. There have probably been times when people have thought of messaging you, but they couldn’t think of a darn thing to say and your profile didn’t help them one bit.
Add some personal information, and try to mention your likes and dislikes. Watch a few stand-up comedians and see how they make interesting observations about life, and then maybe include a few of your own. Don’t try to be funny, but do throw in personal observations such as how your dog thinks you’re calling him every time you sneeze.
Lose the Generic Responses and One-Word Answers
This rule should apply across the board, both with your messages, and with your “About Me” page. Don’t add generic and cliched answers because it doesn’t give the other person anything to get excited about. The same is true of one-word answers.
In addition, don’t post identical photos. You may think those four shots of you looking at the Empire State Building look amazing, but how about a picture of you at home, out for dinner, walking the dog, and so forth. You really have no excuse not to upload plenty of photos these days, since Smartphones have made photo taking so easy.
You Shouldn’t Be Getting Zero Messages
Okay, you didn’t read it here, but almost every paid dating service hires users to send a message or two, including a custom response. Take a look at freelance sites like Freelancer.com and PeoplePerHour.com, and you’ll find recruiters looking for people to write these custom messages for dating site users.
Is eHarmony the odd one out? Is it honestly the only dating site that doesn’t employ this sneaky tactic? Well, if you have genuinely received no unsolicited messages ever on eHarmony, then maybe your account is the proof that EHarmony doesn’t employ this tactic. On the other hand, if you have received a message or two from strangers that then disappear forever, then ask yourself if EHarmony is hiring people to message you.
Change Your Match Parameters
You probably already know this, but here are a few things you can do to broaden your matches. You can increase the distance you’re willing to meet people, and you can widen your age range for potential matches. Widen your selection of ethnicities, and maybe alter the setting that says if you’re willing to date people with children.
Also, sign into your account at least once per week, and reply to some of the matches that come your way. This shows the EHarmony system that you’re an active member. That way, they’re more likely to send you matches in the future.
Is It EHarmony’s Fault?
Don’t be too quick to blame yourself if you’re getting very few matches and messages. EHarmony has its problems that are inadvertently making it more difficult for you to get matches. For example, sometimes when people receive an email notification about you, your image is shown as an avatar, which makes it look like you haven’t completed your profile and/or uploaded an image. This alone often puts people off, especially since they have to log in every time they click an email notification.
Are you getting matches on EHarmony? Why don’t you reply to people? Let us know in the comments section below.